A Drinking Problem - How can I tell?

You're probably reading this because you think that you or someone you know may have an alcohol problem. But you might not be sure. You may have an idea of what a problem drinker looks and acts like and it just doesn't fit with your situation. Does that mean there's no problem?

This page will help you answer an important question on your mind right now.

How do I know if I or someone I care about has a drinking problem? What kind of person becomes a problem drinker?

All kinds of people. There is no formula to describe a person with a drinking problem. Some people think that problem drinkers are only out-of-work, single, poor and homeless. This is just not true. Anyone can have a problem with alcohol regardless of their colour or sex or whether they're rich or poor. 

The people who have alcohol problems can be very different from each other. They drink differently from each other, have different problems, and lead different lives. Some problem drinkers drink every day, some only on weekends, and some drink in binges every few months and otherwise don't drink at all. Let's look at just two examples of what problem drinking might look like. Remember, these are just examples and don't describe all problem drinkers.

Bill is the foreman on a construction site. He's married to Linda and they have two teenaged daughters. After work, Bill always has four or five beers before dinner and several after until he falls asleep watching TV. Bill has been having trouble at work and his boss has asked him if he has an alcohol problem. When Bill and Linda go out, Bill always drinks heavily even though he says he plans to have only one or two drinks.

Linda has told Bill that she doesn't like him drinking so much and that it embarrasses her when he gets drunk. Bill tells her that she doesn't know how to have fun. She's tried to talk to Bill about this, but she just doesn't feel like she's getting through to him. When Linda tells Bill she needs help, he yells at her and throws things. Linda is frightened of Bill when he's drinking and often thinks about divorcing him. Bill used to drive the girls to school every morning, but about 2 months ago, Bill was found guilty of impaired driving and lost his driver's licence.

Marcia is in her first year of university. Marcia and her boyfriend have been fighting a lot lately about her drinking. When they go out, Marcia gets drunk and says and does things that embarrass both of them. Marcia's boyfriend has said he needs some time away from Marcia to think about their relationship. Now, instead of going out, Marcia stays at home every weekend and drinks. She has missed a few classes because of her drinking and her grades have gone down. Marcia has also spent about half of the money her parents lent her on alcohol and is now short of cash. Marcia's friends have left messages on her answering machine wondering where she is, but she hasn't called them back.

Both Bill and Marcia have a problem with alcohol, but they are different people experiencing different problems. They will both need different kinds of help.

Is there a problem?

About 75% of Albertans drink alcohol. Most of those people don't have any problems with their drinking. But some people do have alcohol problems. A person has an alcohol problem if they continue to drink even though it's having negative effects on their life. Alcohol problems can range from mild to very severe. Things like how much a person drinks, how often they drink, not being able to stick to limits they set (saying they're only going to have two drinks and then getting drunk), and a preoccupation with drinking are all important signs. But they're not the only signs. A person who has a problem with drinking usually has problems in other areas of their life: at home, at work, with their health, with their friends, with the law, with money.

Let's look again at what Bill's drinking is doing to his life. There are clear signs that Bill has a serious drinking problem:

• Bill drinks a large amount of alcohol - over 40 drinks a week
• Bill becomes abusive when the subject of his drinking is brought up
• Bill's boss has talked to him about his drinking
• He has had legal trouble because of his drinking
• He keeps on drinking even though he knows it's causing him problems

Marcia's drinking is also causing problems, but her problem drinking is different from Bill's. Here's how Marcia's drinking is affecting her life:

• Marcia is choosing to stay home and drink instead of going out with her friends
• She's missing school and her grades are falling
• She is having financial problems because of her drinking
• Marcia is drinking to deal with problems
• She does and says things when she is drinking that she later regrets
• Her drinking is affecting her relationships with loved ones

Bill and Marcia both need to get help for their drinking, but they might get different kinds of help.

What can I say to help?

Expressing your love and concern for a friend or family member with a drinking problem can be difficult. Sometimes its even harder because the person with the problem might think that everything's just fine, that you're the one with the problem. Those are normal reactions. The most important thing to remember is that you can't make anyone change or see things the way you do.

If you want to talk to your friend or family member about their drinking, focus on how you feel about it. For instance, Marcia's boyfriend might say something like "When you got drunk and passed out at at my parents' anniversary party, I felt really angry and embarrassed." Marcia's boyfriend has focused on a concrete event and just explained how it made him feel.

Be supportive and state clearly how you feel about the person to whom you're speaking. For example, "I love you very much and I'm worried about your drinking and how it's affecting your life and our relationship."

If you can, state clearly what you want or expect from the other person. For example,"I want us to see a counsellor about your drinking." If you get no positive response from you friend or family member, you may need to set limits on what you're willing to do. Whatever limit you set should be something you can stick to. Don't say you're going to move out if they don't stop drinking unless you're willing to follow through on it.

The most important thing to do is to take care of yourself first. If your friend or family member's drinking is causing you so much stress that you can't function normally, you may want to see a counsellor. You can see a counsellor about someone else's drinking even if they aren't getting help for themselves.

What kind of help can I get?

Different kinds of help for problem drinking are available, ranging from pamphlets and brochures like this one, books, videos and public information sessions to detoxification, inpatient and outpatient treatment, and self-help groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). You might want to begin simply by visiting the AADAC Library to read up on drinking problems or making an appointment with a counsellor just to talk a few things out.

There are also a range of services available should your friend or family member decide to get help. Every client who comes to AADAC gets an assessment. This assessment determines the extent of the problem. After the assessment, the client and a counsellor talk about what the client wants out of treatment. After some discussion the client and counsellor agree on a treatment plan that may include anything from a controlled drinking program, outpatient counselling, detoxification, and/or membership in Alcoholics Anonymous. Each client's treatment plan is different because each client is different.

Families and friends don't have to wait for the problem drinker to get help. They can get help for themselves even if the problem drinker isn't in recovery. AADAC offers counselling for families, weekend family programs, and children's groups. As well, self-help programs like Al-Anon and Alateen are available for families of problem drinkers.

For more information contact your local AADAC office or call the AADAC Help Line at 1-866-33AADAC (Alberta only).