My Life; Back on Track
by Anonymous
Hello, I'm a 19 year old young woman from Edmonton. I'd like to share my story about my life and the drugs I've done, and will never touch again. It started out with a boring night at home, so I called up my friend for something to do. She invited me over saying "her older sister's friends were over and were heading out to the bar after they picked something up." She asked me if I had $15 on me, and unfortunately, I did. After about half an hour they passed me a little baggy with a tiny blue pill in it, saying, "It's E, don't worry, it's lots of fun."
Now, I know some people are going to read this and think I'm a push over and very naive, but thats not the case. When you're around friends and people you've known a long time, you trust their intelligence, their knowledge, and most of all; them.
So of course, I took it. It was the greatest rush I've ever felt in my life, nothing could compare. I was so open, happy, and confident. To make a really long story short; because I took that drug (me, the smart one of our friends) it looked cool and okay to do to my other friends. In the end of the year 2004, all of 2005, I must've done over 30-35 pills of every color, size, and and little imprint. It was a blast until I realized one day sitting at home, my vocabulary was shrinking because my memory was also shrinking. I fell so far away from my family and other friends who didn't do drugs, that it was really hard to be me again.
Then during one night when we went over there, she had some new friends over. They were sick looking and rather strange. They were passing around this weird looking pipe and asked if we wanted any. At that time we were considered "stupid, little prude, punks who didn't want to try anything new." But, if I had only known that, that was such a smart decision I would've kept saying 'no'. Of course, I wouldn't be writing if all was left fine and dandy but I got hooked, on crystal meth. It was something so different and unique that it made normal life such a slow and drawl place to be. I'm not sure about other people who have done meth, but when I held that pipe nothing bad ever went through my head telling me, 'this is made of destructive chemicals, it will kill you.' I only thought about how I could get the biggest hoot I could with out burning it. It became like an art, if you would, to be able to see the smoke rolling around, and the feeling of it being inhaled was wonderful, mostly because I knew in my mind what was going to happen to me. The feeling of being everyone's friend, the talking that never ended, no awkward silences, and everyone was just relaxed. The nights when some of us would get together and stay out until morning, very high, are not countable. It brought 3 of us together who never would have hung out as much, otherwise. We felt invincible.
It happened to me first, the paranoia. Everytime I had to get up to use the washroom or get a drink of water, I always believed that my friends were talking about me. It sounds silly but when paranoia hits you when your on meth, it's so unbelievably real. My 3 best friends who love me so much, I believed they were always bashing me or laughing about me, especially if 2 or more of them left into another room (even though they'd go somewhere to flail—meaning you have to be doing something with your hands always, you cannot sit still.) After months of use, I woke up one night (actually asleep for once) and nothing was alright. I started crying uncontrollably and my anxiety shot through the roof. Everything I thought about had some sort of negative aspect in it. I cannot even describe to you the pain, frustration, depression, and anger I started going through. I go out with my friends thinking, "a little more and this will go away because it's my normal that sucks so much, not the drug life." I awoke several times like that, crying and being angry at the world for NO REASON. I decided I could make it go away by cutting, no I'm not making this up for attention. I had been battling suicidal thoughts and depression for a long time and mixing drugs into my life was not a good idea. But I believed I was stronger than the drug. I stayed up using this knife by my bedside for about half an hour, and when I was finished I just cried harder. The cuts weren't deep, it was just enough for me to actually feel some sort of pain. I gave myself a reason for my anger.
The reason I stopped doing any sort of drug though, was my friends. My best friend, started smoking meth more than I did and I watched her crumble. One day we were sitting in her car and some sort of fight broke out between the three of them, I didn't say anthing because I was too paranoid to open my mouth. The fights started happening so often that I didn't want to be around them. They'd talk about each other and I'd catch myself putting in negative comments, ABOUT MY BEST FRIENDS.
What sort of money wasting, people changing, and friendship destroying fun do people need that they'd sink that low?
I was sitting at home one day with my family, after not touching it for a week, and I realized what I was missing out on. I realized what I was sacrificing, and all the time I had wasted being high. I'd rather be flailing and killing my brain and lungs than be with people I loved. I'd rather waste my money than be who I was; an outgoing happy person. I had turned into a withdrawn, angry person and people noticed.
I have been clean for about 2 months, of crystal meth. I have not touched ecstacy since last October, I don't even smoke weed anymore. I am proud of myself, and happy to have found me again under all those drug filled nights.
I can't say the same for my friends though. I've lost contact with my best friend, and only talk over the phone with other two. They do crystal meth, I don't. I don't want to be around it, see them on it, or have anything to do with it again.
Thank you for reading my story, and I hope you take it seriously... crystal meth is addictive and it destroys people, friendships, and lives.
