There's a saying that goes, "We teach people how to treat us." In other words, how we behave toward other people gives them clues about how they should behave toward us.
There are three basic ways of behaving around people.
Passive: A person who behaves passively might be afraid of hurting other people's feelings, or of making them mad. In any case, passive people tend to keep their opinions to themselves and may go along with the crowd even though they don't really want to. They try to avoid disagreements or conflict whenever possible, and they often have a big problem with telling people how they really feel. Other people might look at someone who behaves passively and think they're really easygoing, or they might think they can do or say anything and the passive person won't mind. In fact, people who behave passively might have very strong feelings and opinions about something. But because other people can't read minds, it's hard for anyone else to know what those feelings and opinions are. Passive people often feel taken advantage of, or misunderstood.
Aggressive: A person who behaves aggressively definitely isn't afraid to let their feelings and opinions be known, but they do it in a way that hurts or offends other people. Aggressive people often get what they want, but other people start to look at them as mean and unpleasant to be around. It's hard to have a true friendship with an aggressive person, because they're often pushy and demanding, and show little respect for other people's thoughts or feelings.
Assertive: An assertive person doesn't have any problem letting their feelings and opinions be known either, but here's the most important part: they do it with respect for others. Assertive people are interested in other people's thoughts and feelings, and consider them. Assertive people sometimes get what they want and sometimes don't, but they accept that they can't always have their way and keep their relationships on good terms, too. They express themselves plainly and clearly without putting down other people or their ideas. Being assertive results in a win-win situation: you make your needs known to others, and others feel good about being around you.
People don't act the same way in all situations. We might be fairly assertive with some people, and rather passive or aggressive with others. But being aware of how we act in certain situations, and considering how other people react to us, can give us a good idea of how we’re teaching them to treat us.
