A lot of what we have to say doesn't come out of our mouth. The way we move and the gestures we use have a language of their own. A simple smile can speak volumes about how we feel toward someone. On the other hand, a one-finger salute can be more insulting than any four-letter word.
Mastering the language of movement can give you a real advantage in any conversation, whether you are trying to convince a crowd or trying to get a date. Still, it's not something most of us think about. Instead we sit there making a point while we tip our chair back and forth, revealing a lack of confidence in what we’re saying. There are other ways we let our bodies betray our true thoughts:
- Scratching your head after you've been asked a question suggests that you don’t know the answer. But putting your hand to your chin suggests you’re thinking about it.
- Slouching down in your chair is usually a pretty good indication that you’re bored. Slouching is not recommended when you’re applying for a job.
- Crossing your arms in front of you can suggest that you’re defensive about something. People often do this when they’re arguing. Of course, it can also just mean you’re cold!
On the plus side
Athletes are trained to use body language. Ever seen a figure skater complete an absolutely terrible program? She may have fallen six times, but she finishes her performance with her head held high and a smile on her face. She knows she bombed, but she isn't going to suggest that to the judges. Football players use body language to psych out the opposition. A defensive lineman makes a big tackle then stands over the running back. And you know the routines players go through when they score a touchdown. All these rituals are designed to say, "I am invincible and you are a loser!"
Learn the new body language
With a little effort, you can add to your body language vocabulary. All you need is a mirror and a little imagination. Then follow these steps:
Take a body count
The first thing to do is become aware of what you do with your body when you talk to people. Find out if your body is saying things behind your back. Do you hop from foot to foot when you stand in line at the movies? Do you nervously scratch your eyebrows when you meet new people? You might discover that your body is working against you and telling people you are a bundle of nerves.
The next move is yours
If you want your body to stand behind the point you're trying to make, you have to get it to shut up for a little while. Make an effort to relax when you are talking to people. With your energy focused on what you're saying rather than what you're doing with your hands and feet, you'll probably discover that your communication skills improve. Next, think of ways to emphasize your point by adding little gestures here and there that make sense and strengthen your message instead of distracting the people you are talking with. You'll be amazed at how a firm hand movement can add emphasis and meaning. The trick is to combine the right phrase with the right gesture to create a truly moving statement.
Work on it!
